I drove a black Altima that was poppin’ during its heyday, but I got it when it was fifteen years old, and that piece of shit was beginning to show its age. The paint had faded, the stereo was busted, the seats were torn, the dashboard was cracked, and the …
It was a foggy Halloween night when Hector and Miguel arrived at the slummy Obstructed View Apartments for a double date they had arranged with a couple of girls they found on Fumbledorks, a dating app for bros who can’t hook up without their wingmen. Miguel parked his brown beater …
Ernesto Pecado woke up one Sunday afternoon claiming that God had visited him in his sleep. “You’re hungover again,” said his wife Elena, who had already been to church and back. “¡De veras!” he insisted, “the Lord spoke to me.” “And what did he say?” “He ordered me to create …
One Labor Day weekend we went on a boating and camping trip along the Wazoo River. It was me, Jorge, and Raul, and to say nothing of the dog or the cat would be animal neglect. Chucho was an old, blind mongrel of mine that was usually barking up the …
It was a black tie affair but she didn’t wear a tie, black or otherwise, because she was a woman. To her, it was a white cocktail dress affair, a cheap one she borrowed from Valeria, a cousin of hers endowed with the same shapely figure. “You look like Madeline …
Most of what Emilio knew he had learned from the silver screen. Geography, science, art, and romance. History, sex, music, and philosophy. It was all from movies, even his social skills. He had committed so many one-liners and movie quotes to memory for use in any context that they replaced …
I was going through a lengthy dry spell with the rucas of L.A. and my roommate Sergio was like, “Go down to the dog pound and get your ass a chocha magnet!” I was broke at the time so I went to a ramshackle kill shelter in Van Nuys and …
“It musta been something I ate,” said Ozzy, clutching his enormous belly. He was the size of a baby humpback whale and ate everything he could all of the time so it was difficult to pinpoint the cause of his discomfort. He had eaten four tacos for breakfast earlier that …
Enter The Three Amigos: me, myself, and I. No more, no less. And not that I’m a loner. Just self-sufficient. I keep myself company. Three’s company, and my company is good. Table for one? Yes, please. Play Scrabble With Friends on my phone? Go fuck yourself. The computer is my …
Pepe and Chico are shopping at Rags to Riches, a secondhand store that sells used wardrobe from Film & Television productions. “There’s an old joke,” starts Pepe. “Two Chicanos are shopping at a secondhand store and one of them says ‘Everything in here smells like asparagus piss.’ And the other …
