Mano A Mano

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Mano a mano means “hand to hand” in Spanish, as in hand-to-hand combat, but this loan term doesn’t just describe two people going toe-to-toe because they can’t see eye-to-eye. Most of the time, it’s any head-to-head, wire-to-wire competition. “They went mano a mano in a foot race!” Sometimes gabachos say …

Horas de Feliz

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Life in the big city is a fickle pickle. Too many variables make it the volatile vegetable (or flickery fruit) that it is and nothing is more unpredictable than the inconsistent night life experience: Friday night: I didn’t holla at any rucas at the club tonight because none of ’em …

Wild Goose

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My roommate Gustavo went by the nickname Goose, and could’ve easily gone by Wild Goose because of his hell-raising nature. When he wasn’t talking shit he was starting shit, and always with the cojones to back it up. Kind of like his Pit Bull Chorizo: lots of bark and lots …

Remembering Papa

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While planning the arrangements, I told the funeral director that, at some point during my grandfather’s funeral, I wanted to get up and say a few words. “How many words?” he snapped. “Just a few.” “A few is like five. So five?” “More than five.” “So several words? “Yes.” “Several …

EZ Does It

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Sanchez. Lopez. Valdez. Many Spanish family names are affixed with the -ez ending. Gutierrez. Resendez. Marquez. And many traditional family names include paternal and maternal surnames, so sometimes you get a hyphenated twofer known as a “double-barreled surname”: Alvarez-Perez. They might even rhyme on occasion: Hernandez-Fernandez. Yañez-Ibañez. Vazquez-Velazquez. Like the …

Las Vergas

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We were somewhere around Zzyzx Road when the drugs kicked in. I remember my girl Luna saying something like, “Why is there mustard and mayonnaise smeared all over the goddamn highway?!” “You mean the white and yellow lines?” “Yeah!” “Those are road surface markings.” “Oh.” That’s Luna all over—she’s a …

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