Artie Mendoza had a blood condition: he couldn’t stand the sight of it. It wasn’t the kind of full-blown hemophobia that would cause him to pass out at first glance, but it definitely made him queasy. His doctor diagnosed it as a B-I-I-type phobia (blood-injection-injury), and that tracked with Artie …
It was a foggy Halloween night when Hector and Miguel arrived at the slummy Obstructed View Apartments for a double date they had arranged with a couple of girls they found on Fumbledorks, a dating app for bros who can’t hook up without their wingmen. Miguel parked his brown beater …
As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a golfer. To me, being a golfer was better than being Antonio Banderas. Even before I first wandered onto the driving range for an after-school job, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. They didn’t …
Ernesto Pecado woke up one Sunday afternoon claiming that God had visited him in his sleep. “You’re hungover again,” said his wife Elena, who had already been to church and back. “¡De veras!” he insisted, “the Lord spoke to me.” “And what did he say?” “He ordered me to create …
Time: A gazillion years ago Setting: A conference room Characters (The Four Seasons): Fall (aka Greg) – dressed as a leaf Winter (aka Fred) – dressed as a snowflake Spring (aka Eric) – dressed as a flower Summer (aka Tommy) – dressed as the sun Curtain. The Four Seasons walk …
One Labor Day weekend we went on a boating and camping trip along the Wazoo River. It was me, Jorge, and Raul, and to say nothing of the dog or the cat would be animal neglect. Chucho was an old, blind mongrel of mine that was usually barking up the …
It was a black tie affair but she didn’t wear a tie, black or otherwise, because she was a woman. To her, it was a white cocktail dress affair, a cheap one she borrowed from Valeria, a cousin of hers endowed with the same shapely figure. “You look like Madeline …
I was going through a lengthy dry spell with the rucas of L.A. and my roommate Sergio was like, “Go down to the dog pound and get your ass a chocha magnet!” I was broke at the time so I went to a ramshackle kill shelter in Van Nuys and …
“It musta been something I ate,” said Ozzy, clutching his enormous belly. He was the size of a baby humpback whale and ate everything he could all of the time so it was difficult to pinpoint the cause of his discomfort. He had eaten four tacos for breakfast earlier that …
Enter The Three Amigos: me, myself, and I. No more, no less. And not that I’m a loner. Just self-sufficient. I keep myself company. Three’s company, and my company is good. Table for one? Yes, please. Play Scrabble With Friends on my phone? Go fuck yourself. The computer is my …
